I had the urge to write so here I am. It's going to be a bit of a ramble (but in a good way) however I just wanted to get all this down whilst I was still in the moment.
I'm feeling creative which is quite a strange feeling for me. I've never really classed myself as a creative person but maybe that's me been overly negative about myself, I have that tendency. When you live with someone bursting with creativity and talent (don't get too big headed about this Josh) it's easy to wonder why you aren't like that but you're probably just ignoring your own talents and creativity by thinking like this. I like to think that when I was a kid I was pretty creative, I had notepads full of stories, boxes upon boxes over flowing with art and craft materials and a room that resembled the inside of hobby craft I had that much arty stuff. Then all that disappeared along with my childhood, the days of sitting and writing page after page of stories and carrying a box of art materials around with me wherever I went were gone. If you were to ask me as an adult am I a creative person I'd probably answer no. That is until today...
There's noting special about today, I woke up ridiculously early thanks to the thin walls connecting me with next doors loud children, I was going to be home alone (I'm back home for the easter holidays) with nothing to do accept make a proper start on my final project which is equivalent to a dissertation. I was beginning to question why I'd chosen a final project over dissertation as although I liked my idea it was just too well creative for me to pull off. So I begrudgingly sat at my laptop in the 300 layers I'm wearing to keep warm and began my research. Then an idea for my project hit me, shortly after another one came flowing along. After half an hour my mind was filled with ideas all swimming around and bursting to be made into something real. There I was happily typing away making my first idea into something worthy of a final project when another huge idea hit me, one I knew would really tie together my project. So I sat and basked in the glory of a feeling I've never really known before, been a creative person. And it felt good. I was actually excited about my project, for once I was confident in my ideas and my ability to make them happen. Emails have been sent, idea's noted down and I feel pretty bloody good about it all.
I'm choosing to keep my final project under wraps as it's all still so new and I'm feeling very precious about it at the moment. I want to keep something back that's just for me to allow myself to enjoy this feeling for a little longer. I'm sure you understand.
I've come to a realisation today, that I am perfectly capable of doing all the stuff that I doubt myself on. The above quote could not be more true for me I need to stop worrying that my ideas just aren't good enough and loose that fear. The notepads full of stories and the art materials may have gone but I've grown up and found new talents and new creative outlets that I need to be more confident with. Ten years my have passed but I think it's time to start seeing myself as a creative person again.